Stellah in the City.

  Dahlings. How are you? I'm fine thanks. Today as I was running my errands I had a thought about when I am the happiest. I realised that I love managing  projects, writing, taking stunning pictures and creating content for my YouTube channel. Today I helped a friend put together her child's 1st birthday party and I loved it. Over the past week, I have just felt an urge to write and write and write. I have been writing so many blog posts and a potential book that I may release one day. In this space, I found that I was very happy. Flipping tired but very happy. Anyways...this led to my question...when do we feel the happiest? Allow me to elaborate. For the largest portion of my life I have been told by black people that "I have white people tendencies" and white people telling me "you're so black". Here's the thing, I've always been 'othered'. This made me strong enough to dance to the beat of my own drum and never really let people into ...

,,, and it was a day full of mixed emotions. Dahlings It's been an age (pardon the pun). The last time we chatted, I was really not in a good space. Life was turdy. I feel like I am starting to catch my breath. I feel like I am starting to enjoy the sunshine again. 10-10 is my birthday. This was a big one for me. I turned 35.  I used to be a person that believes in signs and that everything happens for a reason. Then life happened. BUT. I have some OCD tendencies (nothing diagnosed it's just my opinion) and nothing makes me happier than when the dots connect. So, I turned an even number 35 on a Saturday.Saturday birthdays are lit. I recently moved and my flat number is 10, also the garage number is 35. It just felt like everything fits. There are no signs particularly here but I just found it serendipitous that all of these little things happened and it felt right. AND it's the beginning of a new decade (albeit crappy start to the decade am I right??). Anyway, so I prayed o...

when you can't anymore? Dahlings I genuinely hope this finds you well. These last few months have been a lot for me. I don't even know if I have the vocabulary to articulate where I am at the moment but allow me to try. About two months ago I came to a realisation that I absolutely cannot anymore. For a few years I have been busting my behind to do everything. I have been on the Joburg grind like everyone else. Let me preface by saying that I love this city. I have been living here for 7 years and it still feels like yesterday. I still feel the excitement. I still feel the love. I still feel the magic of this city. The last two months though I have had me feeling like I am tired. I am so so tired. I am emotionally tired. I am mentally tired. I am physically tired. And I am spiritually tired. I. CAN'T. ANYMORE. I am completely drained and depleted. Don't worry, I am not suicidal. I really am not. I don't know what the right step or the next step is at t...

And it's still carrying on ... Dahlings How are you? I'm fine thanks. So I took a sabbatical from online dating. I know, I know that I committed to six months of it. That's still my intention but if I am honest with you there were some things that happened as a result of lockdown and it made me feel like I needed to get off all social media platforms to readjust, refocus and stop pretending like I'm fine. The way of the world is not fine. Whatever we believe about this virus, it has still turned our lives upside down. As I mentioned before, I am not a huge online person. I struggle to sit on my phone. Life's pressures were a lot and this online dating thing was just adding more pressure and I've had a few meltdowns. Don't get me wrong, I am still committed to exploring and seeing if I can meet a potential life partner online. But for now, it's a pause. This endeavour needs to be fun as well. Right now, it's not. Til later xo Stellah

Dahlings Yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh!! Guyzini! Oh my word. Today I got a 'like' from someone who said he wants to get kinky. At first I didn't understand what he was talking about. He said his name is Daddy Dom and he is looking for Subs. Since I watch a lot of YouTube I thought he was talking about subscribers - even though that didn't make sense. Also, I was like "why is this man referring to himself as Daddy, he must really love being a father". (yes, I am very naive) Until I read on AND THEN I REALISED!!!! THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! Ok, so it's been a week and I have had a few interactions with some people. There is no one that I can sing "this is it, ohhhh I've finally found someone". I'll tell you about the interactions as I recall them, they are in no particular order: On Elite Singles, there were two guys I was chatting with. I sort of vanished for the weekend - simply because I needed space from my phone - but when I came back t...

Welcome to another exciting installation of a girl who hates dating, cannot go out because...COVID and hates being glued to her phone but also wants a life partner so she has decided to online date. Dahlings How are you? I'm fine thanks Today is Thursday and there is some progress: On Sunday or Monday or something, I sent pictures to friends to vet for the dating site. They chose and I went with what I wanted. (it's pretty much the same pictures) I did extensive research. I mean hours and hours because I'm psycho maybe? I read so many reviews. So many. Also, there are so many dating sites! Did you know there is a dating site only for BBWs? Apparently that stands for Big Black Women. Didn't know either. Is that not a fetish? Needless to say I didn't sign up on that one as I suspect there will be weird pervs I eventually signed up on two dating sites. They are called Elites Singles for professionals and the other is Tinder:  Elite cost me an arm and a...

Dahlings It's been a while... Let me start by saying that I hate dating. Whenever I write a post about my dating life, please always remember and refer to the above statement. I have a friend of mine who once said "I wish we all had bar codes that only matches with your life partner. We will not waste each other's time, we will know immediately if it's the right person for us." How I wish that were the case. We are in the thick of COVID-19. I have been in lockdown for almost 4 weeks. I have had a lot of time to think and I've just woken to the realisation that I am 34. I don't feel bad about my age at all. I love the thirties. I feel like it's such a romantic age with myself. I'm digressing. This is not a post about the thirties. The reason why I decided to publish my age is that I always felt like I was 27 until I realised I was 34. You know what that means for us women....tick tock.... I was watching a clip of The View on YouTube ...