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When do you feel the happiest?

 

Dahlings.


How are you? I'm fine thanks.


Today as I was running my errands I had a thought about when I am the happiest. I realised that I love managing  projects, writing, taking stunning pictures and creating content for my YouTube channel. Today I helped a friend put together her child's 1st birthday party and I loved it. Over the past week, I have just felt an urge to write and write and write. I have been writing so many blog posts and a potential book that I may release one day. In this space, I found that I was very happy. Flipping tired but very happy.


Anyways...this led to my question...when do we feel the happiest?


Allow me to elaborate.



For the largest portion of my life I have been told by black people that "I have white people tendencies" and white people telling me "you're so black". Here's the thing, I've always been 'othered'. This made me strong enough to dance to the beat of my own drum and never really let people into my personal space because I constantly felt judged and just not enough for them. Today I can tell you that I am too old and have been through too much crap to care about other people's opinions. 


I'd be lying if I said I am not affected by other people's perceptions of me because I found myself thinking about these comments. The first thought that came to mind is how a friend of mine said that she has noticed that her 2 year old takes stunning pictures and she wants to nurture that talent. My immediate response to that is "I hope she will not be judged and told that her vocation is too white which will lead her to hide her beautiful talent". Second thought "I am so excited for this next generation of black kids that will be encouraged to use their talents and passions to make a living over making a logical choice in order to make a living and a life". 



This led to another thought today. What if people were allowed to explore their passions without judgement or condemnation? Would we have a world of people that are happier and more fulfilled? And if so, then would there be still so much hatred, anger, depression and anxiety? I mean...I'm not saying it would be a eutopic kind of world but I have feeling that the world would be a much better place to live in. 


This led to another thought...If  I were not being paid to do what I do...would I be doing it? The answer is...To a very large degree...yes, I love running projects. Would it look exactly like how it looks now? No. I am very privileged that I love my job and it also affords me the resources to study, write and create content but this is not best case scenario. Best case scenario would be getting paid and gaining traction in all of my passions.



Is my life perfect? Not completely. I have an enormous desire to have a family ie husband and kids. 


But largely, I am happy with my life. I only hope that you take the time to carve out the life you want. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be flipping hard to turn the ship around. Friendships will be tested. You will be tested beyond what you think you can handle. But let me assure you, nothing beats going to sleep at night knowing that you are exploring so much of who you are. Including zumba and singing (I bet you didn't see that coming)


I am asking you to try. Try to turn the ship in the direction of your dreams. If you can't dive straight into it, do it little by little. Guys, its so worth it. So so worth it. 


Til Later

Xo

Stellah.

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