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I turned 35 the other day...

,,, and it was a day full of mixed emotions.


Dahlings


It's been an age (pardon the pun).


The last time we chatted, I was really not in a good space. Life was turdy. I feel like I am starting to catch my breath. I feel like I am starting to enjoy the sunshine again.


10-10 is my birthday. This was a big one for me. I turned 35. 


I used to be a person that believes in signs and that everything happens for a reason. Then life happened.


BUT.


I have some OCD tendencies (nothing diagnosed it's just my opinion) and nothing makes me happier than when the dots connect. So, I turned an even number 35 on a Saturday.Saturday birthdays are lit. I recently moved and my flat number is 10, also the garage number is 35. It just felt like everything fits. There are no signs particularly here but I just found it serendipitous that all of these little things happened and it felt right. AND it's the beginning of a new decade (albeit crappy start to the decade am I right??).


Anyway, so I prayed on Friday that my birthday will be one of sheer happiness and gladness (and other things but that's besides the point) and it really was. I woke up with such a sense of gratefulness, peace and happiness. I even played the song by Prince 'the most beautiful girl in the world' and I thoroughly enjoyed it.


THEN.


I was reminded of how old I am. You see, I am not ashamed of my age. My journey to get me to where I am now has been so flipping hard. That is one of the reasons why I am filled with gratefulness for where I am.


HOWEVER.


The day was filled with 'you shoulds'.


I don't like to celebrate my birthday with people because each time I am told "at this stage in your life you should...":

 - have a kid or three

- be married

- have traveled the world

- be finishing off your masters

- have bought a house

- have certain brands names in your closet

- be a CEO of something

- donate money

- find a cure for cancer

- look like Halle Berry

- invent a new planet that habitable

- blah blah


This is why I generally keep my birthday to myself. Because I know society's rhetoric is that I have not done enough. Firstly, what if I couldn't have kids?? Asking a woman about her womb is inconsiderate. You will never know what she is going through. Secondly, I am very well aware thank you very much that there is a time limit to having kids. It's not lost on any woman trust me. You're not the only person who's ever told a woman in her thirties time is running out. From her gynea, to her family to her pastor. 


Shut the hell up. 


Lastly, I shouldn't have to explain to anyone why I am unmarried and without kids. The fact that I am here on earth. Taking up space. Helping other people with their lives. Living. It should be enough. 


Again, my journey in life has brought me to a place where most of my peers are far beyond where I am at. I am not ashamed of it. I'm very proud of how far I've come. Life has life-d me properly. And God has blessed me as well.


ALSO.


Mind your damn business.


ALSO ALSO.


I have also released myself of all the 'shoulds'. There are certain things I can't control. Like when I decided that this would be a year that I would make an effort with dating and a WHOLE pandemic happened. You know...small things like that.


SO.


I say all of this to say that birthdays should not be a reminder that you have not achieved. Birthdays should be a reminder of how far you've come and the possibility of what can still be achieved. It's the ONE day in a year that it can really be about you. It's one day to spoil yourself. To love on yourself. To enjoy yourself. 


There are 364 days of very loud 'shoulds'. 


Fiercely protect your birthday and make it magical. It is yours. It is yours. It is yours. It is yours.


Til later

Xo 

Stellah


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