Stellah in the City.

What do you get when you combine someone that is negatively impacted by the heat and also feeling sad because of news that you got today? .... Me. I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat today. I live in JHB, in an affluent suburb. I rent a nice flat and I have a nice job. BUT, I'm not happy. Add to it this heat that has no ending. I have been training myself to cherish the small moments when I feel happy and content. I had that last night. Those 10 minutes are pure bliss. Today I had to go into the office and a colleague of mine told me that it is now going to be mandatory for us to go back to the office. I feel like work is not seeing us. And my plan to move to the coast / rural areas (tbd) is ruined. These past two weeks I have been extra extra looking forward to sleeping and not enjoying any of my favorite past times like watching YouTube. Its slightly worrisome to me because the YouTubers that I watch are aligned to the dreams I thought I was working towar...

Dahlings How are you and other protocols. I'm turning in for the night and I just had a realisation that I am healing. I can't explain how happy this makes me. This is going to sound exceptionally weird but I've really missed myself. The hole of burnout and anxiety is dark. It's not fun. I'd only wish it on terrible people like the rapist president. yeah I said it. Here are signs to me that I am healing: 1. I have recently started listening to music again. Especially genres that always move me to my core. About 4 or 5 days ago, I listened to jazz music for the first time in 3 years. It was full moon and I sat on the balcony and listened to McCoy Mrubata. If I'm not Ok, my tell tale sign is that I can't listen to jazz. I feel overwhelmed with all the feels otherwise. 2. I am leaving the house more often. A little over a year ago I had such terrible agoraphobia. I couldn't even take the rubbish to the complex dumping site. The first time I ma...

Happy new year and all protocols observed. As I type this, I'm sitting in my car outside the gym. I haven't exercised in a very long time. Like a long time. Like dumb long. I only exercised for maybe 40 mins. You might say that's a fair set. Well it wasn't. For me at least. I was doing a set that would have been my warm up at my fittest in 2019. I'm not mad or disappointed. I'm..... surprised. I even took pre-workout and normally that would make me go for ages but I was winded and my muscles said "nope." Anyway, I have this line in my mind that keeps popping up from time to time and its "dont break promises you make to yourself". This year I'm doing things that are good for me and not break those promises. I'm the type of person that when I make a commitment to someone else I will see it through come what may but to myself, I break promises all the time. I need to change that. Not to be selfish or anything but so that I live lo...