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Little signs of healing 

Dahlings    

How are you and other protocols.    

I'm turning in for the night and I just had a realisation that I am healing. I can't explain how happy this makes me. This is going to sound exceptionally weird but I've really missed myself. The hole of burnout and anxiety is dark. It's not fun. I'd only wish it on terrible people like the rapist president. yeah I said it.    

Here are signs to me that I am healing:    

1. I have recently started listening to music again. Especially genres that always move me to my core. About 4 or 5 days ago, I listened to jazz music for the first time in 3 years. It was full moon and I sat on the balcony and listened to McCoy Mrubata. If I'm not Ok, my tell tale sign is that I can't listen to jazz. I feel overwhelmed with all the feels otherwise. 
 
 2. I am leaving the house more often. A little over a year ago I had such terrible agoraphobia. I couldn't even take the rubbish to the complex dumping site. The first time I made an effort to go to Spar which is 1km away from my complex, I was so overwhelmed with excitement and pride in the accomplishment that I cried. A few days ago, I left the house twice in one day. It was such a huge marker for me.
 
 3. I'm sleeping through the night. Ok fine, I'm taking magnesium to help me sleep but I'm sleeping through the night. 

  4. I'm making goals again. I'm normally a very driven person but when I was going through, I couldn't make any plans or goals. Last year when I sat down to make annual goals, I was paralyzed and couldn't fathom any goals. This year, I have written 16 goals. I didn't write anything unachievable or too ambitious but nonetheless, I made goals and instead of being paralyzed, I became excited.

  5. I'm cleaning my house. I was too tired to clean. Today, I cleaned the fridge freezer. 
 
 6. I can go for sometime in my own thoughts. Previously, I couldn't even go to the loo without having headphones in and listening to a podcast. I wouldn't take a shower without a podcast on. I needed to constantly have something on so im not alone with my thoughts. In the last couple of nights, I have been switching everything off and drifting off to sleep not to a podcast but to the sounds of nothingness and I don't feel overwhelmed.

  7. Im getting dressed in the morning instead of having the weird raggedy skirt thing because I didn't have the energy too.     There are so many other things that I can't remember now.    I'll tell you also that so far this year work has been manageable. Its still hard but at least my working hours are manageable. Its still January but I hope and pray this pace remains because my spirit needs it.    

Xo  
Stellah

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