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Can you feel the heat? 

What do you get when you combine someone that is negatively impacted by the heat and also feeling sad because of news that you got today? .... Me.    I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat today.     I live in JHB, in an affluent suburb. I rent a nice flat and I have a nice job. BUT, I'm not happy. Add to it this heat that has no ending.     I have been training myself to cherish the small moments when I feel happy and content. I had that last night. Those 10 minutes are pure bliss.    Today I had to go into the office and a colleague of mine told me that it is now going to be mandatory for us to go back to the office. I feel like work is not seeing us. And my plan to move to the coast / rural areas (tbd) is ruined.     These past two weeks I have been extra extra looking forward to sleeping and not enjoying any of my favorite past times like watching YouTube. Its slightly worrisome to me because the YouTubers that I watch are aligned to the dreams I thought I was working towards. And also, all that I want to do is sleep and i am super sad. Im crying as I type this. Is this sense of vacancy and hopelessness depression? I don't know, im a black south African, we don't have the luxury of depression.     Im not looking forward to anything.    My thoughts today here are erratic.     Maybe I need a good night's sleep and tomorrow I will feel better. Its been too hot to sleep properly for months now. Tonight is going to be a cooler night so hopefully I can sleep well and tomorrow I will feel better.     Also, this flat is a furnace. Bloody hot. It feels like my bones are hot.    I need to encourage myself in the Lord. The joy of the Lord is my strength.     I haven't felt this low in a while.     Tomorrow I will wake up and think of a way to get the life of my dreams because Im not going to survive otherwise. That worries me.    Also, is SAD (seasonal affected disorder) a real thing for heat?    Ok bye.  Stellah

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