Stellah in the City.

 Dahlings... How are you? I'm fine thanks. Normally when I wake up in the morning, I wake up with a sense of dread because I hate mornings. I also detest morning people. Why must they be allowed to live? Anyways, today was the day I woke up with a sense of excitement and peace in my heart. Obviously I was irritated with myself for being so happy in the morning. Like, why must I be so happy so early? TF. After countless seconds of wondering why I am in a good mood so early, it dawned (yes pun) on me.... it's because I posted on the blog! That's insane!  I remember telling a friend that when something is right for you...it will not leave you alone. It didn't. I would wake up everyday with a sense of dread and heaviness. It was also because the world is insane but mostly because I was not living in my truth.  It's crazy how I convinced myself that I shouldn't be doing this. I mean it's becoming more archaic with each second and yet, my heart won't let it go...

 Dahlings. Almost two years with no word from me. Soz. I haven't been well. I'll unpack my "unwellness" in the next few posts. However.... "I'm back....bitches" I can't believe it. I actually forgot I had a whole blog. Life lifed the hell out of me and this week was the first week I realised that I genuinely am in a much better place. This is a result of many things that I have implemented into my life. With that said, I turned forty, two months and seven days ago.  I don't like it.  I'm appreciative of having been alive for so long. The last few years have taught me that life is precious and every day is a gift. HOWEVER, I don't feel like I should be 40. I feel like a 40 year old should have all "the things" in order by now and in the full swing of living.  To be blatant, I want(ed) kids. I hoped to be married. Now...I don't care to be married but kids is still a sore point for me. Maybe I can adopt kids but I would have lo...